I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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