I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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