Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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