HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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