a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
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Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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