the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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