shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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