I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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