So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
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i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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