Cold hands, warm shart.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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