he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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