im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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