one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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