Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
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The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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