I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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