Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
bring money and cleavage
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
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Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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