I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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