I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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