I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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