Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize