There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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