They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
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The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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