did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
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and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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