call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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