saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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