I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize