Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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