: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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