So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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