You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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