it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize