And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
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i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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