I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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