oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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