You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
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Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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