I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize