so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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