Sry I called you an 8
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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