today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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