and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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