did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we're so committed to being not committed
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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