There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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