it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
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My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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