i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize