my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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