he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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