My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize