dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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