i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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