I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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